Dear Diary, I have to piss. I can think of nothing else anymore. This has been going on for far longer than anyone would be able to endure, and yet I do. I persist, I continue. I have killed three dragons, rescued countless maidens, found more treasure than I ever could have imagined, and all these accomplishments count for nothing, because I cannot enjoy any of it. I spend all of my free time trying to comprehend why it is that this has happened to me. It feels as though there is some unseen force controlling my actions, and this particular unseen force seems to have forgotten that I am a human being and have bodily functions. I am treated no better than an animal - and yet, an animal may urinate as, and where, he pleases. I am afforded no such luxury, for luxury it would surely be - the sweet glory and relief of letting that golden stream fly. Oh God, I must not think about it, or I would surely weep.